Laura Bridgman writes:
"When we’re trying to change ourselves or change the other, we’re essentially rejecting what is arising in the present moment. And if we reject it, we can’t really meet it. And if we can’t meet it, we can’t allow the space for understanding, how come this has arisen?It's not that we don't change. We do, and so do our spouses, partners, children, and parents. It's just that trying to change ourselves, or trying to change someone else isn't the way to meet and understand ourselves or the other.
Change needs to unfold in its own way -- and it doesn't need to happen in accordance with the particular preferences we have at any given time. Let go of the desire to control the direction of change. Focus simply on meeting and understanding. Then you can trust that the change that happens will be OK.
Yours in the faith we share,
Join a Journey Group: http://cucwp.org/journey-groups
I.C.Y.M.I. (In Case You Missed It)
The Apr 9 service, "Easter and Passover":
The Mar 26 service, "The Importance of Vow":
Forgive Yourself. When you mess up and cause harm to others, acknowledge and feel appropriate remorse for the mistake, and learn from it. Forgiving yourself – affirming that you’re deserving of your own forgiveness -- helps you make sure it doesn’t happen again. If the injured party was deeply hurt, a restorative process may be in order – but whether that happens or not, you’ll need the self-restoration of forgiving yourself.
Many of us have inner critics that keep beating us up way past the point of usefulness -- yammering away, magnifying small failings, and ignoring the larger context. So: Get in touch with the feeling of being cared about by someone you know or have known. Bring to mind some of your good qualities. Then face whatever needs forgiving.
If you yelled at a child, lied at work, partied too hard, let a friend down, cheated on a partner, or were secretly glad about someone's downfall — whatever it was — acknowledge the facts: what happened, what was in your mind at the time, the relevant context and history, and the results for yourself and others.
Sort what happened into three piles: moral fault (which warrants proportionate guilt and remorse), unskillfulness (which warrants only correction), and everything else.
Accept responsibility. Say or write down: "I am responsible for _____, _____, and _____." If there’s anything you can do to make things better, write that down too. Then add: "But I am NOT responsible for _____, _____, and _____."
Then actively forgive yourself. Say or write: "I forgive myself for _____, _____, and _____. I have taken responsibility and done, or will do, what I can to make things better." For the rest of the guidance on how to forgive yourself, see the post, Forgive Yourself.
Here it is, your...
MOMENT OF ZEN
Raccoon visited Raven from Cedarford once again, and Raven welcomed him, saying, "I'm sorry I don't have your kind of food to offer you."
Raccoon said, "No problem. I come for the Dharma anyway."
Raven said, "I don't have that, either."
Racoon said, "OK, OK. But maybe you can comment on something Moose Roshi is saying these days. 'Forget to the bottom, and the bottom will serve you.'"
"I see his point," said Raven.
"How would you say it, Roshi?"
"Forget to the robin, and the robin will serve you," said Raven.
"All things work together for good for those who love God" --Romans 8:28
Well. Paul. Dawn, and the day
Fills up with doing
Of tasks and farting around.
I don't know
what loving God is
Unless it is forgetting
that anything is distinct
From anything else.
Case adapted from Robert Aitken; introduction and verse by Meredith GarmonPREVIOUS ☙ NEXT ☙ INDEX