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2021-01-07
Religious Education: January 1, 2021
Minister's Post, Fri Jan 8
The Mouse. For those who didn't hear it on Sun Jan 3, my sermon concluded with:
Your ultimate intention will have some connection with bringing good into the world. I was reminded this week, though, that it doesn’t always, continuously do good. Sometimes it’s just what you do, and it’s just who you are, even when you know it won’t do any good.UPDATE. Within 24 hours of the Sunday service at which I spoke of that encounter, the mouse was evidently well enough to chew through the box and escape. We discovered her departure on Monday morning, less than 72 hours after initial encounter. The box she departed had a number of droppings, and before she left she made a goodly dent in her food -- good signs that she was well enough to make her way forward.
A couple days ago – on New Year’s Day, in fact, Friday morning – I was downstairs in the basement zendo. I had finished my morning meditation and sutra recitations, and was on my out when I encountered by the door: a mouse. The Parsonage has mice, occasionally, though there’s been no sign of any for over a year. When we have them, we set out live-catch traps, and then the mice in a wooded area down the street. But this mouse, when it saw me, stumbled along the baseboard a few inches and stopped.
Her feet were oddly placed, and her head unusually tilted. This was clearly not a well mouse. Fortunately, I live with a veterinarian. “LoraKim,” I hollered. “Would you come down here please?” She came. Saw the situation. Went and got a dish towel and a cardboard box. Throwing the towel over the mouse she scooped it up and put her in the box.
There was no mention of depositing her in the woods down the street – sick like that, she wouldn’t stand a chance. So three times a day – today being the third day of this – LoraKim has been going downstairs to check on the mouse. She changes the newspaper, feeds her honey water with a syringe, changes out the peanut butter, apple slice and potato slice for fresh food. Suspecting a bacterial infection in the neurological system, she administers an oral antibiotic twice a day.
The mouse hasn’t been eating. Yesterday afternoon, there were no droppings, and the food wasn't touched. Bad sign. So this morning when we went to check, we expected to find a dead mouse in the box. But she was still breathing. A little friskier than before. Her balance is clearly off and she’s still got the odd head tilt – but we think less so than yesterday.
Is this doing any good? It’s hard to see that it is. If you said to me, “this mouse is suffering; the greater kindness would be to put it out of its misery,” I wouldn’t have any basis for contradicting you. I might shrug and maybe say, "Well, the same might be said of me." And maybe add that our best guess about what the mouse wants is that she wants to live. For one more day. For two more days. Maybe for one more week.
If she keeps getting better, at some point we will release her in the woods down the street because she’s a wild creature and she’d rather take her chances in the wild than live in a box – even though we know those chances are pretty slim. What chance does a neurologically impaired mouse in an unfamiliar woods have? Either way, the little one is almost certainly not long for this world.
So what the good of LoraKim’s care? Sometimes it’s not about the good. It’s about LoraKim amd me (me, with a somewhat lesser skillset and less intrinsic commitment to rodents) – living our intention to serve life. We trust that this intention will often do good – but don’t expect that it always will.
In this New Year, may we all know our intention, and find ways to live it.
I was reminded of a Chuck Brodsky song about a small town where the law officer handled public drunkenness this way:
The sherif kept the keys(I have come to see such homey tales of lenient law enforcement through a racial lens, and wonder if white offenders are being assumed. Maybe. And then there's the gender lens...)
To the lockup on the table
Where a sober man could reach ‘em
Just as soon as he was able.
In any case, we were happy to have the mouse be free as soon as she was well enough to free herself. On Tuesday morning, there were signs that she -- or possibly some other mouse -- had been in the kitchen. Since then, there have been no further signs. She may have made her way outside.
Love,
Meredith
Practice of the Week
For the winter, we'll be highlighting some SLOGANS TO LIVE BY. While the "Might Be Your Thing" practices featured in autumn might also NOT be your thing, these slogans are for everyone -- reminders to carry with us at all times; little nudges that nudge us in the direction of spiritual health and fulfillment. These practices don't require setting aside a separate substantial chunk of time -- but they will slow you down a bit (and that's a good thing.) Resolve to get stronger at living by these maxims, day by day. Sometimes make one of them the focus of your daily journaling.
For the third week of winter, our SLOGAN TO LIVE BY is: Stay Close to Your Resentment. The post about this slogan explains why and how this slogan is important and helpful.
Dealing with These Times
These thoughts from my colleague UU minister, Rev. Jason Cook, may be helpful:
What we are witnessing at this time:
This is normal, folks.
Well, normal in one sense: for anyone who has ever been in a relationship with a full-fledged malignant narcissist, or had a deeply narcissistic boss, or has a narcissist for a parent or sibling—you know.
When things don’t go a narcissist’s way, they rage. And they often have narcissistic ‘supply’ around them: these are people who have bought into the narcissist’s way of thinking, placing the (often charismatic) narcissist at the center of their emotional world. In their minds, nothing is ever the narcissist's fault.
One of the things a narcissist hates is to be removed from power, or left behind, or broken up with. They rage. Their remaining narcissistic supply rages in their defense. They’ll destroy all they can on the way out or seek to destroy you on your way out.
What can you do to protect yourself? Well, the number one thing is to not engage. You aren't going to change them for the better by staying in relationship with them; you'll simply deplete your own emotional resources and sense of self-worth. Cutting off all contact with a malignant narcissist is the best form of self-protection there is, though sometimes that’s impossible to do because of logistical reasons. Whether you are able to strictly observe no contact or whether you simply set some healthy boundaries for yourself, the narcissist will rage in response (after all, they didn't get their way), their supply will continue to be worked up, and you’ll continue to think about them and feel a whole host of difficult emotions. You’ll have to re-train your thoughts so you stop thinking about them--which isn't easy because you've been conditioned to be hyper-vigilant to their feelings and needs. You’ll have to do a lot of personal healing work. And it will take time.
How does a country break up with a malignant narcissist? Badly. There’s no getting around it. What we are seeing right now is a normal part of the cycle of a malignant narcissist. For every former spouse who has had a narcissist trash their reputation in court, for every employee who has had their former narcissistic boss badmouth them, for every family member who has had a narcissistic parent or sibling or adult child twist the truth so you are the villain—you know what this chaos feels like.
The good news is that we are really and truly breaking up with that person. And it’s going to be painful in the days ahead — it will continue to follow the pattern of what it looks like to disengage from a narcissist, but on a grand scale, of course. But this is not the great unknown we are in: this is part of an understood pattern of human behavior.
If we keep that in mind — and stay on our toes — we will get through this.
Stay vigilant. Disengage emotionally. Spend time healing. Lean on others doing the same work. Remember to ground yourself in love.
2021-01-05
Music: Sun Jan 10
This morning’s musical selections draw attention to the work of composers who benefitted society in their lifetimes and beyond. Whether they elevated the status of indigenous peoples in their music, extended educational opportunities to disenfranchised minorities, or raised funds for charitable causes, these composers’ music brought not only aesthetic pleasure to listeners, but also served greater moral goods. Read on for programming details, and stay tuned for live introductions during worship.
Centering Music: Adam Kent, piano
“Carillon” from The Christmas Tree
Frenz Liszt
Opening Music:
Suite, Op. 14
I. Allegretto
Béla Bartók
Musical Meditation:
“His Song” from In the Bottoms
R. Nathaniel Dett
Interlude I:
Humoresque in Eb Minor, Op. 101. No. 1
AntonÃn Dvorak
Interlude II:
Humoresque in Gb Major Op. 101, No. 7
AntonÃn Dvorak
Parting Music:
Keyboard Suite No. 8 in G Major
Gigue
Georg Frideric Handel
Stay Close to Your Resentment
Practice of the Week
Stay Close to Your Resentment
Stay Close to Your Resentment
Category: Slogans to Live By: These are for everyone. Carry these reminders at all times. These practices don't require setting aside a separate substantial chunk of time -- but they will slow you down a bit (and that's a good thing.) Resolve to get stronger at living by these maxims, day by day. Sometimes make one of them the focus of your daily journaling.
from Training in Compassion
Norman Fischer, adapted
Norman Fischer, adapted
Resentment is a nasty feeling.
Here’s a slogan telling us to stay close to this nasty feeling. Usually when we feel resentful, we are liable to judge ourselves harshly for being resentful. We think we’re a failure at training our mind in peace and kindness, and that we’re a complete mess. Actually, though, resentment is the greatest of all meditation objects. Far from feeling entangled in it and frustrated with that entanglement, we can celebrate that resentment has arisen in us, and that we have noticed and identified it.
What is resentment, after all? What happens when you stop projecting outwardly (because we are always resentful of something or someone out there, even if it is life, or ourselves, as if we were outside ourselves) and turn around to look at the resentment face-to-face to find out what it is? What color is resentment? Is it green? Is it purple? Is it pink? Is it white? Is it black? Is it tall? Is it short? Is it fat? Is it thin? What happens when you investigate? Can you look resentment in the face and see what it is? Can you feel the feelings, watch the thinking, see your actions unfold?
The investigation of resentment – and of all afflictive emotions (anger, greed, fear, etc.) – is the most powerful and the most beneficial of all practices. The peace that we are seeking is less than half as good as the investigation of resentment and the other afflictive emotions. These are basic visceral, human emotions. They are our great treasure. So we should always stay close when they arise in us, so we can meditate on them.
"Always Meditate on whatever Provokes Resentment"
Judith Lief, adapted
Judith Lief, adapted
Cultivating loving-kindness sounds so sweet and wholesome. When you look at the ads in spiritual publications, you see smiling faces and promises about how to achieve happiness and be more loving and kind. But how many times do you see the word resentment?
A great trap of spiritual practice is the avoidance of negativity and the temptation to pretend to be good. But the most fertile ground for training the mind in compassion is right on the edge where our veneer of virtue breaks down. Rather than always trying to be good, it is better to go directly to what sets us off. This slogan tells us we can apply mind-training the moment resentment, annoyance, and other negativities arise.
Goodness is natural. It does not need to be cultivated. It just needs us to remove its obstacles. With obstacles removed, natural virtue shines through. But how can we remove resentment if we are unaware of the extent to which it controls us? We need to look into what makes us provokable.
Each time we are offended, misunderstood, ignored, put upon, we have the opportunity to see how solidly we hold to our views, opinions, our whole sense of who we are. We can see how when that solidity is threatened, we shut down or lash out, get defensive or find some target to blame. By simply seeing all this more clearly, we are already less trapped.
This slogan is a reminder to stop avoiding the issue of resentment, and instead really try to understand how it arises. By doing so, we could actually experience the constructing of a solid reactive self on the spot, while it is happening. The moment we notice that painful tightening and constriction, that closing down, is the time to interrupt and undermine that whole destructive process. We can catch ourselves in the act, so to speak. What seems so solid is exposed as a sham, and our small-mindedness and defensiveness is seen through. Thus the resentment has nothing to push up against and it dissolves into thin air.
Practice: As an object of contemplation, choose one thing that provokes your resentment and notice the cascade of sensations it triggers. Let your reaction relax and then bring up the same thing once again. What are you clinging to? What are you afraid of losing? What insights arise when the haze of resentment is less thick?
2021-01-01
Minister's Post, Fri Jan 1
If we follow Pope Gregory XIII -- and his way of demarcating an increment in the number of the year is as good as any, and has the great advantage of being the most widely observed -- then . . . it's a new year! 2021 is here! LoraKim and I stayed up to ring in the new year -- when it came to Brazil, that is. (We were watching on "Rio de Janeiro Cam." There were modest fireworks.) Which is to say, we made until 10:00pm.
Happy new year, my friends! "We stick together, we can see it through" (as our choir sings -- words of Randy Newman, "You've Got a Friend in Me"). I share with you this new year's blessing from Pamela Gayle White:
Yes, the Arctic is warming, the seas are rising, and our voracious species continues to blithely destroy everything of value that stands in its path. But a powerful light can illuminate a cave that had always been dark, and there are beacons of pure goodness whose luster can sustain us and give us the strength to carry on. They are teachers and friends, the vehement activist and the quiet good neighbor, tree planters and animal rescuers, Mexican mayors and Chinese journalists. They are “Nous sommes Charlie” and an African Methodist Episcopal church in Charleston that refuses to hate.Should auld acquaintance be forgot? Not on your life!
May myriad beacons of goodness overpower the dark shadows, and may their resplendence inspire us to acknowledge and make good use of this precious human life. May we remember to light the way for others while there’s still time. Shine on!
Love,
Meredith
Practice of the Week
For the winter, we'll be highlighting some SLOGANS TO LIVE BY. But for the first Sunday of the Month, we deviate to offer an ECOSPIRITUAL Practice, sponsored by CUUC's Environmental Pracitces Social Justice Team.
This week's practice: "Widening Our Circle." See the post for some things to think about and some practices to try.
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