Nominating and Leadership Development Committee

From Cynthia Roberts of CUC's CUC’s Nominating and Leadership Development Committee:

Our Committee is charged with identifying nominees from the members of our congregation for election to the CUC Board of Trustees at our Annual Meeting in June.

CUC has an eleven member Board of Trustees made of 9 regular Trustees who serve a three year term and a Secretary and a Treasurer who each serve a one year term.

This year we have a new process by which nominee suggestions can be submitted.

If there is someone you think would make a great addition to the CUC Board of Trustees, please fill out and submit a Nomination Application Form.

The form requests relevant information, such as a member’s participation at CUC and demonstrated leadership ability. One can self-nominate. The nomination application form is available on our website (CLICK HERE), and from members of the Nominating and Leadership Development Committee.

We encourage you to discuss your suggestions and any questions you might have with any of the six members of the Nominating Committee.

The other members of the Committee are:

-Ray Schmitt
-Joe Magnus
-Erin Foster
-Drew Swiss
-Cynthia Heller

All nomination application forms are due to our mailbox in the church office by January 31.

Thank you for your participation in this important process.

Fall in Love with Someone

Practice of the Week
Fall in Love with Someone

Category: WORTH A TRY, or OCCASIONAL. These practices are "worth a try" at least once, or, say, for one week. Beyond that, different people will relate in different ways to the practices in this category. Some of these practices you will find great for "every once in a while" -- either because they are responses to a particular need that may arise or because they are simply enriching occasional enhancements to the spiritual life.

Try this with your spouse -- or a prospective spouse. Or try it with any friend if the two of you are game for being drawn closer together. It's a remarkably effective procedure for two people to develop closeness in a about an hour or two. For people on a first date, the process almost always makes them feel better about each other and want to see each other again.

There are two parts. First, there a series of 36 questions for each of you to take a turn answering. The questions start out fairly impersonal, but gradually draw out more and more of you. Each question builds a sense of safe sharing to facilitate subsequent questions. This part by itself will take an hour or two -- depending on how much detail your answers go into.

The second part will take exactly four minutes.
 
Arthur Aron of the Interpersonal Relationships Lab at Stony Brook University in New York developed this exercise and tested it on a number of pairs. His results are published in "The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness," Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin (1997). Aron's list of 36 questions is in a "Psychology Today" web posting: CLICK HERE.

Part 1. Take turns answering these 36 questions, in order:

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3. Before making a phone call, do you ever rehearse what you're going to say? Why?

4. What would constitute a perfect day for you?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you choose?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11. Take four minutes and tell you partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained one quality or ability, what would it be?

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

14. Is there something that you've dreamt of doing for a long time? Why haven't you done it?

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

17. What is your most treasured memory?

18. What is your most terrible memory?

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people's?

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

25. Make three true "we" statements each. For instance, "we are both in this room feeling..."

26. Complete this sentence "I wish I had someone with whom I could share..."

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them: be honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you've just met.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven't you told them yet?

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner's advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

Part 2. Set a timer for four minutes. Stare into each others' eyes for four minutes. It's OK to blink, but don't look away.

For Journaling

Reflect on the experience. Which answer of your partner's was most striking or memorable? Are you surprised that you said some of the things you did? What did prolonged looking into each other's eyes feel like?

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PRACTICES INDEX

Metro IAF

Metro Industrail Areas Foundation (Metro IAF)
551 Vandalia Ave
3rd Floor
Brooklyn, NY 11239
Website: www.Metro-IAF-NY.org

From a flyer issued by Metro IAF:

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WHAT IS THE METRO INDUSTRIAL AREAS FOUNDATION?

Metro IAF is the nation's first and largest coalition of multi-faith organizations. They have seven decades of experience winning tough battles across the nation.

IAF's 55 organizations have a deep grassroots presence in the political and financial power centers across the United States and Europe. In New York and New Jersey, our organizations include:

• East Brooklyn Congregations
• Manhattan Together
• South Bronx Churches
• Empowered Queens United in Action and Leadership
• Long Island Congregations, Associations and Neighborhoods
• Westchester United
• New Jersey Together

Each individual organization is independent and non-partisan, and led by a strategy team of religious, lay, and community leaders. The local organizations, as well as Metro IAF, are funded by dues paid by member institutions (churches, temples, mosques, unions, business groups, schools, senior centers, etc.) and grants from foundations. IAF groups do not seek or accept government funding for their core operating budgets.

WHAT ARE SOME OF METRO IAF'S ACCOMPLISHMENTS?

Nehemiah Housing. Metro IAF successfully build more than 3,000 Nehemiah homes in East Brooklyn and another 1,000 Nehemiah homes in the South Bronx. Together with their partners, they have built or rehabilitated more than 1,000 affordable apartments. There are currently more than 1,300 homes and apartments under construction.

Living Wage. Metro IAF initiated the living wage movement and passed the first living wage ordinances in Baltimore in 1994 and in New York in 1996. Living wage requirements have now been passed in over 200 municipalities across the nation and created wealth for millions of working families.

New Small Schools and Construction. Metro IAF partnered with the NYC Department of Education to start four small quality public high schools and two charter schools, and create $300 million in school construction.

Environmental Clean Up. Leaders in new Jersey launched and won two lawsuits that called for the Honeywell and PPG Corporations to spend almost $1 billion to remove toxic chromate waste from sites in Jersey City site. Some of the clean-up has been finished and new affordable homes have been built.

Immigrant Issues. Metro IAF successfully organized to overhaul bilingual education in New York City in 2003, and passed the Dream Act in Maryland in 2012, which provided in-state tuition to immigrant students.

OTHER ISSUES

Each Metro IAF organization is engaged on a wide range of issues. These issues respond to different local concerns and priorities.

LEADERSHIP TRAINING

Metro IAF's most important accomplishment has been the development of thousands of leaders who were and are the driving force behind all the aforementioned campaigns and victories.

Metro IAF sponsors two one-day and two five-day training sessions each year. They host leadership trainings for individual member institutions as requested.

FOR MORE INFORMATION

Visit www.Metro-IAF-NY.org

Read Going Public by Michael Gecan, an in-depth look at community organizing with Metro IAF.

Request a meeting with an organizer.

CUC Music: Sun Jan 18

In honor of Martin Luther King Day and in keeping with the monthly theme of Justice, Sunday morning’s solo piano selections feature music by composers of African descent. CUC’s Choir will be on hand as well to offer a traditional South African song of freedom and a setting from the Old Testament dealing with peace and unity. Read on for programming details.

Prelude:
The Bamboula            Traditional West Indian, arr. by Samuel Coleridge-Taylor

Take Nabandji            Traditional South East African, arr. by Coleridge-Taylor

Maple Leaf Rag                        Scott Joplin

Adam Kent, piano

Choral Anthem I:

Siyahamba*                                   South African Freedom  Song    

CUC Choir directed by Lisa N. Meyer and accompanied by Georgianna Pappas

             *Translation: We are marching in the light of God.

Choral Anthem II:

On Justice, Truth, and Peace*                              Amy Bernon  

                     *Translation of Hebrew text: “Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity.”

Offetory:
The Entertainer                                                Joplin

Express Love

Practice of the Week
Express Love

Category: Slogans to live by. Practices for everyone to keep in mind and pay attention to. These practices don't require setting aside a separate substantial chunk of time. Just have the intention to grow stronger in each of these areas as you go about your day, and sometimes make one of them the focus of your daily journaling. The titles of these practices are guiding slogans to live by.

“And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.” (Paul McCartney)

Adapted from Rick Hanson, Just One Thing

We all want to receive love. But maybe it comes in a form you don't want — perhaps someone offers romantic love but that's not what you're looking for — or it doesn't come at all. Then there is heartache and helplessness; you can't make others love you if they won't.

Definitely, do what you can to get the love you need. But the practice here is about expressing love, distinct from receiving it. When you focus on the love you give rather than the love you get, then you're at cause rather than at effect; you're the cue ball, not the eight ball—which supports your sense of efficacy and confidence, as well as your mood. And it's enlightened self-interest: the best way to get love is to give it; even if it's still not returned, your love will likely improve the relationship, and help calm any troubled waters.

Sometimes people worry that being loving will make them vulnerable or drained. But actually, you can see in your own experience that love itself doesn't do this: it protects and nurtures you when you give it. While you're loving, don't you feel uplifted and stronger?

That's because love is deep in human nature, literally woven into our DNA. As our ancestors evolved, the seeds of love in primates and hominids—such as mother-child attachment, pair bonding, communication skills, and teamwork—aided survival, so the genes that promoted these characteristics were passed on. A positive cycle developed: As "the village it takes to raise a child" evolved and grew stronger, the period of vulnerable childhood could become longer, so the brain evolved to become larger in order to make use of that longer childhood—and thereby developed more capacities for love. The brain has roughly tripled in size since hominids began making stone tools about 2.5 million years ago, and much of this new neural real estate is devoted to love and related capabilities.

We need to give love to be healthy and whole. If you bottle up your love, you bottle up your whole being. Love is like water: it needs to flow; otherwise, it backs up on itself and gets stagnant and smelly. Look at the faces of some people who are very loving: they're beautiful, aren't they? Being loving heals old wounds inside and opens untapped reservoirs of energy and talent. It's also a profound path of awakening, playing a central role in all of the world's major religious traditions.

The world needs your love. Those you live with and work with need it, plus your family and friends, people near and far, and this whole battered planet. Never underestimate the ripples spreading out from just one loving word, thought, or deed!

How

Love is as natural as breathing, yet like the breath, it can get constricted. Sometimes you may need to release it, strengthen it, and help it flow more freely with methods like these:

• Bring to mind the sense of being with people who care about you, and then open to feeling cared about. Let this feeling fill you, warming your heart, softening your face. Sink into this experience. It's okay if. opposite thoughts arise (e.g., rejection); observe them for a moment, and then return to feeling cared about—which will warm up the neural circuits of being loving yourself.
• Sense into the area around your heart, and think of things that evoke heartfelt feelings, such as gratitude, compassion, or kindness. To bring harmony to the tiny changes in the interval between heartbeats, breathe so that your inhalations and exhalations are about the same length, since inhaling speeds up the heart rate and exhaling slows it down. The heart has more than a metaphorical link to love; the cardiovascular and nervous systems lace together in your body like lovers' fingers, and practices like these will nurture wholehearted well-being in you and greater warmth for others.
• Strengthen these loving feelings with soft thoughts toward others, such as I wish you well. May you not be in pain. May you be at peace. May you live with ease. If you feel upset with someone, you can include these reactions in your awareness while also extending loving thoughts like I'm angry with you and won't let you hurt me again—and I still hope you find true happiness, and I still wish you well.

There is a notion that being intentional about love makes it false or at least second-rate. But actually, loving at will is doubly loving: the love you find is authentic, and the effort to call it forth is deeply caring.

To love is to have courage, whose root meaning comes from the word "heart." I've been in a lot of hairy situations in the mountains, yet I was a lot more scared just before I told my first real girlfriend that I loved her. It takes courage to give love that may not be returned, to love while knowing you'll inevitably be separated one day from everything you love, to go all in with love and hold nothing back.

Sometimes I ask myself, Am I brave enough to love? Each day gives me, and gives you, many chances to love. Are you brave enough?

If you choose just one of all the "Practices of the Week" -- let it be love.

For Journaling

1. Write in your journal this wish for yourself:

May I be well.
May I have a calm, clear heart and a peaceful, loving mind.
May I be physically strong, healthy, and vital.
May I experience joy and love, wonder and wisdom, in this life, just as it is.

2. Write down the name of someone who loves you and whom you love -- a spouse or a parent perhaps. Then slowly write these lines in your journal, filling in the person's name in each line, breathing into the words and feeling them as fully as you can as your sincere and ardent wish.

May [name] be well.
May [name] have a calm, clear heart and a peaceful, loving mind.
May [name] be physically strong, healthy, and vital.
May [name] experience joy and love, wonder and wisdom, in this life, just as it is.

3. Write down the name of someone you have no particular feelings about, bad or good -- a clerk at a grocery store or your mail carrier perhaps. If you don't know their name, just write "clerk," etc. Then repeat writing the lines, filling in the name and breathing into the words and feeling them.

4. Write down the name of a difficult person -- an enemy or someone you find it difficult to deal with. Repeat the exercise, slowly writing the lines again, sincerely wishing them for this difficult person.

5. Finally, slowly write:

May all beings everywhere be well.
May they all, in their own ways, have calm, clear hearts and peaceful, loving minds.
May they be physically strong, healthy, and vital.
May all beings everywhere, each in its own way, experience joy and love, wonder and wisdom, in this life, just as it is.

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Rick Hanson, "The Neurodrama of Love"



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PRACTICES INDEX

CUC Music: Sun Jan 11

Although widely welcome on the world’s concert stages as performers, women have only recently had widespread access to careers as composers. In recognition of our January theme of Justice, the work of female composers is featured in Sunday morning’s musical selections. Read on for more programming details.

Prelude:
Sérénade, Op. 29                                                Cécile Chaminade

Pièce romantique, Op. 9, No. 1

Scarf Dance, Op. 37, No. 3

Adam Kent, piano

Opening Music:
With Dog-Teams, Op. 64, No. 4                        Mrs. H. H. Beach

Interlude:
Prelude                                                Helen Hopekirk

Offertory:
Removalist Rag                                    Elena Kats-Chernin (b. 1957)

Cultivate Self-Acceptance

Practice of the Week
Cultivate Self-Acceptance

SLOGANS TO LIVE BY: Carry these reminders at all times. These practices don't require setting aside a separate substantial chunk of time -- but they will slow you down a bit (and that's a good thing.) Resolve to get stronger at living by these maxims, day by day. Sometimes make one of them the focus of your daily journaling.

"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation; it means understanding that something is what it is and that there's got to be a way through it." (Michael J. Fox)

Adapted from Dr. Larry Berkelhammer (Originally posted HERE):

For those of us who have spent a lifetime rejecting our inner experiences, it’s not easy to change. When we form long-term habits of doing that, it can seem like a Sisyphean task to change and start practicing healthier responses.

But experts in the field have found effective ways to accomplish this. Countless people have done it, and with practice, there’s no reason you can’t break the cycle of self-rejection.

Step One: Agree to be willing to try another way.
Step Two: Once the willingness is established, identify ways in which your old responses are attempts to reduce suffering by avoiding certain internal experiences.
Step Three: Identify ways in which these entrenched and automatic responses have the paradoxical effect of increasing suffering.

Once we understand this process, we have good motivation to practice acceptance.

Following are some acceptance practices.

• Set an intention to consciously practice acceptance in your daily life—acceptance of your thoughts, your emotional state, your physical condition, and any other elements of your life you may be tempted to reject.
• When you’re feeling anxious or becoming aware of self-deprecating thoughts, put your hand over your heart area, accept the fact that these thoughts and feelings are occurring, and extend compassion to yourself.
• A method that works well for some people is to start a journal of negative self-talk. The healing value is in the writing; it’s not important to ever read the journal.
• Apologize to yourself. We commonly apologize to others for any negative, judgmental criticisms we may express; doing so helps maintain good relationships. Apologizing to ourselves makes for a healthy, nurturing relationship with ourselves.
• Make an agreement with yourself to be more accepting, appreciative, and understanding of yourself.
• Change your relationship to unpleasant thoughts and feelings by learning to see them as clouds floating across the sky—completely harmless. This can only be learned through a dedicated mindfulness practice, which takes time, so until you develop that skill it’s important to practice self-compassion by noting your experience. For example, you might say to yourself, “I’m really suffering right now as a result of that thought and this feeling.”
• Build your mindfulness skills. Practice mindful awareness of thoughts, beliefs, images, feelings, emotions, and sensations, including all sensory experiences regardless of whether they are based in the present environment—internal or external—or in a memory of a past sensory experience.
• Practice mindful awareness of the attributions or interpretations you put on what you’re thinking and feeling.
• Self-acceptance is best developed by being in relationships with individuals who are accepting and respectful of others. This applies to romantic relationships as well as work and play relationships. Make sure your relationships are healthy and supportive.

For Journaling

Try starting a "daily nonjudgmental reflection" (as described in video of Michelle Charfen's TED talk). First thing in the morning, make two columns in your journal. In the first column, write down every judgmental thought you had about yourself the day before. Then reflect on the behavior about which judged yourself. What were you feeling and needing when you did that? Next to each judgmental thought you had, write down the feelings and needs you were having when you did the action you judged. Then write down what you might do next time, in a similar situation, to address those feelings and needs.

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Michelle Charfen's TED talk on unconditional positive regard and self-acceptance in parenting (19:20):

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PRACTICES INDEX