|
|
|
2023-03-11
Religious Exploration: March 12, 2023
2023-03-10
Minister's Post, Fri Mar 10
NEED or WANT? How do you distinguish between "need" and "want"?
I say: don't.
I know it's tempting to draw this distinction. Your child whines to you that they NEED the latest thingamajig, and you find yourself saying, "No, you don't NEED it, you only WANT it." Or maybe you find yourself employing a need/want distinction when deliberating with yourself: you ask yourself, "Do I really need this, or only want it?"
But let's do away with the need/want distinction. The fact is, we don't know where to usefully draw a line between "need" and "want." Even something as basic as food turns out to be dispensable for those so committed to a cause that they go on a hunger strike -- even unto death, should it come to that.
There's a somewhat different distinction that will serve us much better: the difference between a need and a strategy. Here we understand "need" as something universal -- or nearly so. X qualifies as a "need" if X is something that pretty much everybody is attracted toward having if they haven't gotten it in a while. With oxygen, "a while" is less than a minute. With food, sleep, and exercise, "a while" may be several hours to a day.
According the Center for Nonviolent Communication, people have needs for connection (acceptance, affection, appreciation, belonging, cooperation, communication, closeness, community, companionship, compassion, consideration, consistency, empathy, inclusion, intimacy, love, mutuality, nurturing, respect/self-respect, security, stability, support, to know and be known, to see and be seen, to understand and be understood, trust, warmth); for physical wellbeing (air, food, movement/exercise, rest/sleep, sexual expression, safety, shelter, touch, water); for honesty (authenticity, integrity, presence); for play (joy, humor); for peace (beauty, communion, ease, equality, harmony, inspiration, order); for autonomy (choice, freedom, independence, space, spontaneity); and for meaning (awareness, celebration of life, challenge, clarity, competence, consciousness, contribution, creativity, discovery, efficacy, effectiveness, growth, hope, learning, mourning, participation, purpose, self-expression, stimulation, to matter, understanding).
Whether we call these "needs" or "wants," they are universal. Everybody wants these things. We're all attracted toward getting each of these -- particularly if we haven't had it for a while. We might, by force of will, deny ourselves some need for the sake of something even more important to us -- as a person on a hunger strike does -- but there's no denying that we do feel the attraction. The universality of that attraction is what qualifies it as a "need."
A "strategy" on the other hand is particular -- not universal. A strategy is an approach, method,or device deployed for the purpose of satisfying a need. That thingamajig your child is pleading for is probably a strategy. So when you find yourself about to say:
"It's not a need, it's only a want"try saying instead:
"That sounds like a strategy for meeting a need. Can you tell me what need the thingamajig would be a strategy for meeting? And can we think together about whether there might be alternative ways to meet that need?"Yours in the faith we share,
Meredith
Join a Journey Group: http://cucwp.org/journey-groups
I.C.Y.M.I. (In Case You Missed It)
The Mar 5 service, "Spirituality of Change" (sermon by Rev. Evin Carvill Ziemer):
The Feb 26 service, "The Ecological Thought"
PRACTICE POINTER
It’s time again for our Ecospiritual practice for this month – brought to you by Community UU’s Environmental Practices Social Justice Team: Slow Life.
Imagine a sustainable culture, a restored Earth, where humans serve and support the greater whole of the biosphere that sustains us all. Wouldn’t the people be living at a healthier, calmer pace – not perpetually exhausted, stressed, subsisting on fast food, without time to relax and savor the pleasures of life? Our bodies and psyches are ill equipped to handle the myriad incessant demands and pressures that raise our blood pressure and give us indigestion.
Since a slower pace also tends to be environmentally friendly, slow-life choices move the world toward sustainability.
We can say no to additional obligations, tend to personal boundaries; stay home and hang out with our families, eat real food, maybe turn hanging the laundry outdoors into a meditation. These are soul-healing and Earth-healing choices.
Ecospiritual practices for this month include:
“breathing the hours:” several times a day step away from the flow of ordinary life and create a brief liminal space amid daily tasks.
Second, “Slow Down Dinner”: Once a week – or once a month -- together with friends or family, communally plan and cook a meal entirely from scratch.
Third, “Conveniences that Maybe Aren’t.” Make a list of every technology in your home that didn’t exist 100 years ago. Then go over your list and evaluate how each item really affects the overall quality of your life. Then act accordingly.
For details on these, as well as group activities for your Ecospiritual group, see the full post: Slow Life.
Here it is, your...
MOMENT OF ZEN
#149: Non Sequitur
The issue before us -- as, in Zen, it always is -- is the concrete fact. Woodpecker's excursion into abstraction is the non sequitur.
It's rather a striking turn of phrase, though. Without Buddha, no dew.
Kind of a tasty snack at that.
Case
That evening Woodpecker asked, "I've heard that without Buddha there would be no dew on the grass. What do you think?
Raven said, "Tonight we're all out of snacks."
Woodpecker said, "You're full of non sequiturs these days."
Raven said, "Ah, Woodpecker, you should talk."
PREVIOUS ☙ NEXT ☙ INDEX
2023-03-07
Music: Sun Mar 12
The Biryani Boys are Mustafa Bhagat and David Freeman. Their mission is to preserve and promote the Indian classical music tradition and provide safe passage into the contemporary landscape.
Mustafa Bhagat
Mustafa Bhagat is a musician, composer
and filmmaker based in New Paltz, NY.
Mustafa plays the sitar in the style of the Vishnupur Gharana under the
guidance of Pandit Manilal Nag and Mita Nag of Kolktata, India and Prasanna
Kumar of Impal, India.
David Freeman
David Freeman is a percussionist, composer
and educator based in Brooklyn.
David plays the tabla in the Farukkhabad tradition under the guidance of Ustad
Shabbir Nisar of Hyderabad, India, and Prasanna Kumar of Impal, India.
Gathering Music: The Biryani Boys, Mustafa Bhaghat, sitar; David Freeman, percussion
Raga Hamsadhwani in Teental
Opening Music:
An Introduction to the Inspiration for Raga music.
Raga Bhimpalasi in Teen Tal
Meditation:
Raga Kafi in Rupak
Offertory:
Raga Kafi in Bhajan
Interlude:
Charukeshi in Chartal ki Sawari
Postlude:
Gujuri Todi in TeenTal
2023-03-03
Minister's Post, Fri Mar 3
In the end, everything is everything else. Filip Holm explained it this way:
"Try to think of that flower without the soil from which it grows, without the sunlight that helps it grow and illuminates it, without the very space in which it stands, or without the particular time in which it is there. Suddenly you no longer have a flower at all."This is just a fact of our physical world: everything influences everything else, and so what anything is depends on what everything else is.
This fact about our physical world is important to remember for our spiritual growth. It's easy to fall into the delusion of separation. Remembering the reality that nothing is separate -- and because everything is connected to everything else, it is constantly changing as those influences fluctuation -- so nothing is permanent and unchanging, including ourselves. Somehow, there's a profound spiritual liberation that comes to us from remembering this about ourselves, each other, and our world.
Yours in the faith we share,
Meredith
Join a Journey Group: http://cucwp.org/journey-groups
I.C.Y.M.I. (In Case You Missed It)
The Feb 26 service, "The Ecological Thought"
The Feb 19 service, "Free to Be You and Me"
PRACTICE POINTER
Life means ongong change. And Change includes also some loss. We feel grief, and we need to grieve.
Grieving is a form of learning. It’s the process of learning how to be in the world without whatever-it-is that is no longer there: a spouse, friend, parent or child – or a job, a marriage, or an ability – a home or a familiar place. New habits and routines, new patterns have to form. We have to work out who we are in this new world that is bereft of some one or something that had once been a part of ourselves. People will say, “I feel like I’ve lost part of myself” – because they have. Adapting takes time and involves changes in the brain – as learning does.
To distinguish grief from grieving: Grief is a feeling. Grieving is an action in response to the felt loss.
“Grief is that emotional state that just knocks you off your feet and comes over you like a wave. Grieving necessarily has a time component to it. Grieving is what happens as we adapt to the fact that our loved one is gone, that we're carrying the absence of them with us.” (Mary-Frances O’Connor, Clinical Psychologist)We’ll feel the grief forever – it’s the remembrance of a thing past. But the act of "grieving," will, over time, change our relationship to that grief. To facilitate the learning that is grieving, it helps to: - choose good company – friends who won’t try to fix you, or place expectations on you;
- be gentle with yourself. Try not to judge yourself for not “doing better”;
- be intentional about getting rest, exercise, and eating; and - have a spiritual practice or a creative outlet.
For more detail, see the full post: "Grieve Your Losses"
Here it is, your...
MOMENT OF ZEN
#147: All Truths
Case
Owl dropped by one afternoon and asked Raven, "I've heard that the opposite of truth is also true. What do you think of this idea?"PREVIOUS ☙ NEXT ☙ INDEX
Raven said, "Let's have a snack."
Owl said, "Aren't you devaluing my question?"
Raven said, "Not at all. We have fresh grubs today."
Grieve Your Losses
Practice Pointer
Grieve Your Losses
Grieve Your Losses
Category: OCCASIONAL -- "as needed."
We feel grief, and we need to grieve. By understanding it and affirmatively accepting the needs of grief, we can come to a stronger healing.
Grieving is a form of learning. It’s the process of learning how to be in the world without whatever-it-is that is no longer there: a spouse, friend, parent or child – or a job, a marriage, or an ability – a home or a familiar place. New habits and routines, new patterns have to form. We have to work out who we are in this new world that is bereft of some one or something that had once been a part of ourselves. People will say, “I feel like I’ve lost part of myself” – because they have. Adapting takes time and involves changes in the brain – as learning does.
To distinguish grief from grieving. Grief is a feeling. Grieving is an action in response to the felt loss.
“Grief is that emotional state that just knocks you off your feet and comes over you like a wave. Grieving necessarily has a time component to it. Grieving is what happens as we adapt to the fact that our loved one is gone, that we're carrying the absence of them with us.” (Mary-Frances O’Connor, Clinical Psychologist)We’ll feel the grief forever – it’s the remembrance of a thing past. But the act of "grieving," will, over time, change our relationship to that grief. When the grief feeling swells over you the first time, the first 100 times, it can be distressing, disorienting, unfamiliar, awful and confusing. In time, we can come to recognize it for the grief feeling that it is. It comes in unpredictable waves, but with features that can grow familiar. We learn that each wave will recede, just as the past ones did.
Grief is likely to come accompanied by various other emotions: There’s often anger in there. Maybe panic, anxiety, sadness, yearning. There can be difficulty concentrating, difficulty sleeping, loss of appetite.
As we pay attention to the ways grief manifests, we learn about how it operates on us, and being conscious of this helps us learn how to be in the new world in which we find ourselves.
HOW
Amy Greene, director of the Center for Spiritual Care at Cleveland Clinic, offers this guidance for grieving.
- Accept some loneliness. Loneliness is completely normal, but it is important not to get too isolated. Reach out to people and support groups who are comfortable with grief — who can let you move through the process at your own pace.
- Choose good company. Look for friends, old and new, who know how grief feels and who can let you be “alone but not alone” when you just need company and who won’t place any further burdens or expectations on you.
- Be gentle with yourself. Try not to judge yourself for not “doing better” or “keeping it together.” It will get easier over time to feel like your normal self.
- Get extra rest. Physical and emotional exhaustion is common. You will need more rest than usual.
- Embrace all emotions. Realize that feelings come whether we like it or not. All we can do is let them move through, like waves in the ocean or clouds in the sky. It is neither weak nor abnormal to feel these waves. There are many approaches under the category of “mindfulness” that can help with emotional self-regulation. It’s also important to know when to seek professional help.
- Set a regular sleep schedule. Make it a goal to go to bed and awaken at the same time each day. Give yourself a good amount of time to rest, but be on guard for sleeping too much as a way to avoid the hard work of grieving.
- Move your body. Get up and walk or move around, preferably outside, at least a little each day.
- Talk to your doctor. Tell your primary care doctor you are bereaved so they can help you keep an on eye on healthy habits.
- Keep structure in your day. This means groom and dress, even if you are not leaving the house. Also, eat small, regular meals, even if you are not hungry.
- Set goals. Set small, reachable, short-term goals so that you don’t get overwhelmed.
- Make a list of daily activities. This can help while you are grieving because forgetfulness is common.
- Be cautious. Do not make any major decisions or changes in home or work right after you are bereaved.
- Take care of your inner needs. Find time, whether through a spiritual practice or a creative outlet, to connect to things that give you inspiration and help you maintain your sense of meaning and purpose. You could keep a journal, write a song, poem or letter to your loved one.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)